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Are you a "Desperate Doula"?

Heather Crossan

Are you in an Abundance or Scarcity Mindset?

This might be the number one pain point and complaint I hear from doulas:

"I need more clients!"

Do you hear that? That's desperation. It's like being asked out on a date...who would you rather say yes to: the guy who's begging for you to say yes, or the guy who knows they are perfectly happy whether you say yes or not?

It's great to make your clients feel wanted, but there's a fine line between desperation and deserving.

You know what else 'I need more clients' tells me? You operate with a scarcity energy. You are starved and will accept anything that resembles food. Let me tell you, going into prospective meetings with this scarcity energy and desperation to close will lead you to your-less-than-perfect-client, and ultimately cause you to lose them.

One of the biggest shifts I made early in my career and continue to make (because it's hard not to feel the pressure of adulthood), is to go into every conversation/interaction with the desire to...

H E L P A N D S E R V E

Tie your deserved outcome to something deeper, because there's a reason you're doing what you do, and it's NOT just for the money.

At one point, you believed that the services you offer would make a difference to your clients' lives. Stick to that energy of service and offering; leave the desperation at the door.

Prospective clients can sniff out desperation. Like you, they know when they're being sold on something. Like you, they just want help and understanding.

Try this instead: Just be helpful, be genuinely interested in your client's pain points and model what business confidence should look and feel like.

Money and clients will follow. I promise. 

💕Loree

#wisdomwednesday

Loree Siermachesky, Alberta's very own Doula OG. With 20 years of experience as a DONA certified birth doula, and a personal history of assisting at more than 1500 births, she has blended the heart work of being a doula with the reality of running a thriving full-time business.  Loree not only has received the recognition of her community as the 2013 Medicine Hat Chamber of Commerce Small Business of the Year recipient, a 2016 Medicine Hat Women in Business Inspire Award nominee, the 2016 Prodoula Diamond Award recipient, she is widely respected within the international Doula Community.

As one of the founders of Elite Doula Group Inc. Loree has proven time and time again she is fiercely committed to the new families of Southern Alberta, and commits her time to sharing knowledge and mentoring new doulas through her advanced doula courses.

Loree lives in Medicine Hat, AB with her husband of 23 years, her sons and her much loved Sheltie and two cats. She is an avid gardener and when she’s not in the labor room, she’s usually outside…or sleeping. 

Boundaries - Your Line in the Sand

Heather Crossan

BOUNDARIES!  One of the hardest parts of Doula Life, Loree has some thoughts...

Hello Doulas! I think the time is right for a little discussion about boundaries. Hang on to your gecko clothes ladies, as this is about to stretch you in growth!

Often doulas think they have checks and balances in place when dealing with boundaries between their personal and professional lives. What I have found though, is those boundaries are often nonexistent. Sometimes the very nature of our work makes it impossible to enjoy the nine-to-five, but it shouldn’t stop you from remembering first and foremost this is a business. And if you don’t have solid boundaries, you will go up in flames eventually.

FAMILY

I really want you all to think about this. How many of you are a slave to your phone? How many times in one day do you ignore your spouse, your children, or your own needs to answer a text message or an email? Would the world end if you waited 30 minutes to respond? An hour? An evening? A day? Do you know how to triage your clients and their questions and concerns? Are you? 

In order to claim some sanity in my life, I integrated a system with my current clientele that offers that immediate response versus one that can wait for a bit. If someone calls me, I will always answer. A call means, this is important, labour has started, or something is happening that could be life-threatening. All other forms of communication simply mean to me that a client can wait for a bit of time for a response. If someone texts me, they know that it could take up to an hour or longer for me to respond. If someone emails me, that may mean I could respond within 12 hours. If someone connects with me on social media, well now, that may take a day or longer. If my phone is not ringing, I will enjoy the time I have with my family without constantly checking my cell. 

Now some of you may argue that this goes against the on-call availability you may promote as a doula. Does it really? Do you not shower? Do you not sleep? Having a discussion with your clients on how and when to communicate can go a long way to protecting yourself and establishing the boundary that you share with your family. 

For years my spouse would get fed up with my face constantly glued to my phone. What was I subconsciously telling my husband by carrying my phone around like a lost body part? I was telling him that he was secondary in my life. He was not a priority. I was telling the man I loved, he was not important! Do you like to be treated as an after-thought? Really process that.

My children, having lived an on-call life right alongside me, carry trigger responses to my phone. Immediately they will stiffen, or withdraw when my phone rings or beeps because for years I treated them as secondary to my clients. Don't do this to your kids! Your passion for this profession will never outweigh their need for a present, engaging mother. While my boys are proud of what I have done, and what I continue to do as a doula, they have a long-standing resentment as well.

OTHER DOULAS and YOUR COMMUNITY

How much time are you investing in your peers? Do you volunteer your time for doula organizations or associations? How many of you get contacted by people who potentially want to be doulas? How much time is taken away from your day in doing so? On average I field about 10 inquiries from people wanting to be doulas in any given month. I am not a trainer, but I get asked anyway. There is a heck of a lot of people that want to take me for coffee to pick my brain! I will not do that anymore. No, I am not being mean, I am establishing a boundary. My time. My call on what I do with it. I will no longer sacrifice the emotional currency in investing in people who 90% of the time don't proceed with training and education. I send them to Doula Essentials for information. If they are serious about learning, they will connect with Heather eventually. 

If it is a peer who wants to communicate, I refer them to how I manage my clients. Call if it's life-threatening or your emotional state is bankrupt. Text, email or send me a private message on Facebook, to which I will respond to, but not immediately. I may offer my time by doing live video or attending a meeting with you all, but I will no longer meet people on their own whim. There is simply not enough time in a day to make everyone else a priority. 

If you are a part of an organization or an association, do your work when all your counterparts are together. Plan for meetings and do what work is needed IN those meetings. Organize how and when you will respond to incoming questions or concerns. These are VOLUNTEER positions. Manage your time wisely. When I was the managing editor for International Doula, I sent emails to source articles on Sundays and communicated with the board or authors on Wednesdays. When an issue was in final edits, I communicated with the production team on a set date that had been pre-planned to finalize the issue. I ran a well-oiled machine. Learn the art of automated responses. Again, the world will not end, if you can't respond immediately to someone's question about fees, website listing, or the referral line. Everyone else, please understand that these doulas are doing their best to represent you, but they have lives too.

SELF CARE

No matter how hard we try, we cannot pour from an empty cup. If your need to run yourself into the ground to be at the beck and call of your clients is your idea of how to run a successful business, think again. Take it from someone who knows, and still continues to struggle with this boundary. You need to recharge. You cannot burn the candle at both ends for too long without your body, your mind, or your heart causing a revolt. What are you doing for yourself? Is it enough? When is the last time you did something totally for you? Know your limits. Listen to your body. And for goodness sake, understand you are no good to anyone if you cannot take care of yourself first. We mentor mothers for a living. What message are you sending when you show them you don't take care of yourself either?

Think about ways to covet the time you share with your family, the time you spend with your spouse, the need to have self-care and sharing your passion with your peers. You will actually be a better doula to your clients. Trust me. In my heyday, I was carrying upwards of 40 clients a month  (people due, people postpartum, childbirth education clients and placenta service clientele). Now imagine if those 40 clients contacted me every hour of every day and expected me to immediately respond to their needs? What quality of life would I have had? Even 2 high-need clients can wreak havoc on your life. Draw a line and be firm with it. Strong boundaries will benefit you in the long run.

I want to see the lot of you still around in the next decade.

- Loree

Loree Siermachesky, Alberta's very own Doula OG. With 20 years of experience as a DONA certified birth doula, and a personal history of assisting at more than 1500 births, she has blended the heart work of being a doula with the reality of running a thriving full-time business.  Loree not only has received the recognition of her community as the 2013 Medicine Hat Chamber of Commerce Small Business of the Year recipient, a 2016 Medicine Hat Women in Business Inspire Award nominee, the 2016 Prodoula Diamond Award recipient, she is widely respected within the international Doula Community.

As one of the founders of Elite Doula Group Inc. Loree has proven time and time again she is fiercely committed to the new families of Southern Alberta, and commits her time to sharing knowledge and mentoring new doulas through her advanced doula courses.

Loree lives in Medicine Hat, AB with her husband of 23 years, her sons and her much loved Sheltie and two cats. She is an avid gardener and when she’s not in the labor room, she’s usually outside…or sleeping. 

 

Breastfeeding Tips from the Pros

Heather Crossan

As World Breastfeeding Week comes to a close we wanted to share some tips!  

We’ve spent the week compiling tips from the Doula Essentials Doulas to help new families and doulas alike! They've shared what has worked for them personally, and what they have found professionally to be common solutions. 

http://www.mountainmamaphotography.com

Give yourself some grace

.You first need to build a relationship with your baby, then you can build one with breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is not the best choice for everyone, each family will determine what feeding solution, or combination of feeding solutions, is best for their baby, but, over the years, we have found some common struggles that no one talks about! Everyone is different, but as you read through you'll notice there are a few themes :)

  • Have support!!!!!! Support is #1 in my opinion.
  • My personal tip would be, be prepared to feel awkward, unsure and overwhelmed. But if you're well supported (see tip #1) you'll likely get past that part and it will become easier.
  • Oh and buy lily padz! (Editor Note - If you haven’t heard of Lily Padz, LEARN!!!  These are a game changer.)
  • Uninterrupted skin to skin until first latch lead by baby
  • Personal tip - it’s not easy, let baby do its thing and relax and you 2 will figure it out.
  • Know there are many different breastfeeding positions and that the "typical" cradle hold doesn't work for everyone (baby or mom). For at least the first 6 weeks of my daughter's life she would only feed sitting upright on my lap (she was tiny so this worked well).
  • Breastfeeding is a relationship - and it takes time, energy, patience to build it. It will not look like anyone else's relationship because you and your baby are unique individuals. Even from one baby to the next, things will change. Tap into your intuition and don't be afraid to follow your gut... if that means asking questions, awesome! If that means telling people to take their advice and shove it, that's awesome too!

This beautiful baby is actually enjoying a feed! Cuddled in her moms arms the feeding tube is what she needs right now.

  • Professional tip: if the latch hurts or you're feeling some overwhelming emotions when your milk lets down, ask for some help!
  • Professional tip: Sung to the tune of "Frere Jacques"...every morning of my recent (Certified Lactation Educator) course: "When you counsel, when you counsel. Never judge, never judge. Praise mother and baby, praise mother and baby. Don’t command, do suggest.”
  • Make sure you are comfortable and relaxed.
  • It’s not all or nothing!  You do not have to exclusively breastfeed to breastfeed!  Some choose to breastfeed in the morning only.  Others prefer to mix bottlefeeding with breastfeeding.  For some, breastfeeding for the first month or week is a goal, some want to extend several years.  Whatever works for your family is wonderful.
  • Don’t watch the clock, watch your baby.
  • Master side-lying feeds. Once babe knows the drill it's a great way to get much needed rest & always have water and snacks nearby (when not side-lying 😉)
  • Don’t worry if you don't want to breastfeed - don't be pressured into anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Just do what feels right
  • Be aware! Pumping could potentially bring on labour
  • If it hurts or isn't working, get help! Don't wait until you are in utter agony and despair. Don't tough it out but seek help early. And if whoever you see isn't helping you, go somewhere else until you find someone who helps you make it work.
  • Advice from observing a pre-natal breastfeeding class last weekend: '"If you remember nothing else from this class, remember SKIN TO SKIN.”
  • Lots of people will have opinions about how/where/when/why you should feed but you know your breastfeeding relationship best. 
  • Advice is okay when it's encouraging, equipping, and empowering. If it makes you feel guilty take a deep breath and sweep it away.
  • Yes, you can breastfeed your child in public. Welcome to Alberta!
  • Determine what your goals are-breastfeeding can be difficult and if it's important, find the help and support that will help get you to your goals.

Be Patient!

You have to learn AND your baby is learning too!

  • Hand expressing after every feed for the first three days can help milk supply come in.
  • Don’t make breastfeeding decisions based on the comfort/opinions of others. If bottle-feeding formula worked for your MIL 35 years ago, it may not work for you. If your neighbour is uncomfortable with you Nursing in front of them-don't cover for their comfort.
  • It can be intimidating Nursing in public for the first time. Practicing at home in front of a mirror can be helpful as you can see how much skin you'll actually be showing. It can help you build confidence before you go out for the first time with your baby
  • Personally, breastfeeding can really help heal a traumatic birth. 
  • Visualizations help with let-down (imagining the milk flow from the back of the breast to the nipple)
  • Connecting to a lactation consultant or breastfeeding clinic, can really help with any breastfeeding issues and getting support right away instead of waiting until things get really bad can really help.
  • Be patient!! You have to learn AND your baby is learning too! Sometimes breastfeeding is hard work, but it's so worth it.

Breastfeeding is NOT all or nothing.

You can decide what it means for you and your baby.

  • Ask for help if you are struggling. Breastfeeding isn't always easy and straightforward. If your intuition is telling you something is off, listen to it and advocate for yourself to get the help you need. And although breastfeeding can have its challenges at first, it makes life so much easier once established!
  • Be patient with yourself and your little. Sometimes you have to work at it for a bit, but with patience, a little help from a lactation specialist and some love and dedication, it can become easier and a wonderful experience! It isn't super easy for everyone right away, but it is definitely worth the time once you and your little have your own beautiful rhythm!
  • Make sure to take pictures!  Many find when they look back that there are no pictures of them feeding other than selfies (or breflies - a breastfeeding selfie!) this time will go by in the blink of an eye, make sure to get at least some pictures.
  • My nipples hurt so bad when little one was a newborn, I was in such agony when I nursed her. She refused a bottle for the life of her so I bought a nipple shield, it was the best thing that worked for me! I also found that teabags work, it felt like my nipples healed instantly! (Editors Note - Nipple Shields can be an amazing tool, but should always be used under the guidance of a professional lactation specialist).
  • Give yourself some grace. You first need to build a relationship with your baby, then you can build one with breastfeeding.
  • Contact a Lactation Specialist prior to your baby's arrival. So MANY issues can be discussed before there is a problem. 
IMG_4224.JPG

Seems Simple, but...Make sure you are relaxed and comfortable!

Lots of pillows, a beverage, and snack all within hands reach.  

Above all remember this advice from one of the original doulas in Alberta, who has supported literally thousands of families:

Breastfeeding is the act of giving breastmilk to your child. It can be at the breast, through pumping and bottle feeding, through an SNS system, through donor milk, or supplemented with formula. There is no RIGHT way to feed your baby. Do what keeps you sane.

Thank you to Mountain Mama Photography and Doula Jenn for sharing their beautiful photos.

Doula Essentials Inc. was started by Heather Crossan of Elite Doula Group Inc. to be a place for doulas to be nourished with education, encouraged in their journey, and in turn flourish in theory communities.